In The Accountant, Ben Affleck plays a dead-eyed, ground-staring autistic numbers man (yes, the titular one) with some big-league underworld ties. He also has an arsenal that would make James Bond jealous and some truly savage fighting skills, along with just the right sociopathic detachment to actually use them. Sound weird? It is.
There’s nothing new in the world, and shoulders of giants being what they are, almost every movie can readily be described as a combination of others. The Accountant is certainly no exception, but there’s still something jarring about the juxtaposition of its precedential ingredients: Take Christian Bale‘s character in The Big Short and add John Wick. Or start with the explosive, instant-destruction action of Collateral, Equilibrium, and The Bourne Identity and mix in The Insider and Rain Man. This is a strange brew.
Before we go any further, there’s something you should know: The plot is deeply, deeply stupid. The story struggles along for a couple hours, getting progressively weirder in its flashback depictions of young Affleck and his overbearing, psychopathic military father (Robert C. Treveiler). This dad is straight out of Dogtooth or Captain Fantastic, immersing young Affleck in extreme paranoid dystopia (and the attendant physical training) that pretty much screws him for life. JK Simmons and Cynthia Addai-Robinson drift in and out of the story 
as Treasury agents halfheartedly on Affleck’s tail… and we learn Affleck has done some high-test deals with some of the world’s criminal elite. Sadly, we never see any of that — instead, we’re treated to Affleck casting his blank gaze about his strip mall office, shooting .50 caliber rifles for amusement, and being OCD about cutlery. (OCD =/= autism, afaik?)
He’s soon hired (by John Lithgow, no less) to investigate some book-cookery at a big robotics company, but that side plot only lasts a while. It does introduce Anna Kendrick, playing another dorky math-obsessed loner (though presumably not on the autism spectrum). Some vague murderous intrigue plays out, along with excited utterances of “EBIDTA”, some prepper porn, and a brief will-they-or-won’t-they scene that goes about 5% of the way to being called romantic, until the whole thing culminates in a truly laughable set of Scooby Doo-grade reveals in Act Three. The characters are pretty one dimensional, most notably Affleck — whose twin backstories seemingly encompass only (i) his condition and (ii) what we see of his extreme upbringing.
But despite all that, I did really like this movie. Its emotionless, often cringeworthy protagonist and bleak palette set a somewhat depressing mood, but the action (when it comes) is so decisive and brutal and efficient that it’s splendidly entertaining on its own terms. Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes, but hey, I do cheer for autistic bookkeepers in Kevlar. Who knew.
The JK Simmons plot is pretty much a waste, and the whole story overall is just annoying, but The Accountant has a couple of iconic scenes and it’s definitely a memorable movie. It’s also genuinely funny, here and there. If you (like me) found John Wick fantastically entertaining and lovably extreme, you may just like some parts of this, too.
The laments will come strong and hard on this one. Folks will focus on the senseless story, the uninspiring characters, and the bonkers premise (i.e., that autistic folks make zen-like assassins). But they’re missing the beauty of a shiny Airstream trailer packed with priceless art parked in a storage unit, or the refreshing crispness of decisive, quick pistol takedowns — a surprisingly welcome antidote to decades of keep-em-talking-Mr. Bond villains who never seem to get around to it.
The Accountant is weird and violent and generally unnecessary, yes. You may find nothing to like here. But I did.
Haus Verdict: A physically imposing and mentally muted Affleck crunches numbers and heads. What’s not to like? A lot, actually, but there’s some definite, memorable good in here.
The Accountant opened October 14.
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