I must preface my comments by letting our readers know that we viewed Monte Carlo at the behest of Haus. Seriously. He demanded we watch this film. Our audience demands it, he shrilled. Well, I hope you are happy. This is for you. I must take ownership of my own action. After all, I did go along with him. But, I needed to get it off of my chest.
I fully appreciate that I am not the target market for this film. Although I must admit that I have a soft spot in my heart for princess movies. I absolutely loved The Princess and the Frog. I even enjoyed The Princess Diaries, really I did.
Monte Carlo is drivel. Absolute senseless dreck. Not even a good princess movie. Monte Carlo is a mid-day made for basic cable movie. Really the worst parts of any princess movie mixed with The Parent Trap (yup, the 1998 version) and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. If you have daughters keep them away, not because it feeds into some anti-feminist concepts of beauty, wealth, and domesticity, but because they are certain to dislike it and you are better served by letting them watch anything on the Disney Channel for the afternoon.
Grace (Selena Gomez), Emma (Katie Cassidy), and Meg (Leighton Meester) are going on some post-graduation/bonding/sisterhood trip to Paris. We know very little about the characters except that Emma and Meg do not like each other. Meg’s father married Grace and Emma’s mother, which Meg thinks is awful. Grace works at a diner with Emma, for no known reason.
They go to Paris. They are on some terrible bus trip. They stay at a very realistic Paris hotel. After missing their bus they end up in a hotel were Grace is mistaken for Cordelia (some sort of heiress with an unknown source of wealth, who is not nice at all) and they end up in Monte Carlo. What ensues is not a comedy. Not really a romance. Not really a coming of age story.
Really a bunch of stuff happens, but it is utterly unmotivated because we never know anything about what motivates any of these people. Meg is stuck up and sort of cold, maybe because her mother died, but we do not really know why and this is never really developed beyond two comments. I have no idea about Grace. She works at a diner which means people do not like her for some reason (I think we are meant to assume she is poor, but this is never discussed). Cordelia is rich and thus bitchy and monotone, no other motivation. Emma is the only character who is developed at all and this occurs in about 45 seconds when she discusses wanting to live in a house with a front walk and a dimmer switch. The acting is as bad as the character development. So spread the blame.
The romance is terrible. Grace falls in love with the son of a philanthropist. The son even admits that he is hollow and worthless, but he is enough for her to fall in love with. Well, we are told they are in love, because there is no way to see it given that there is no attraction whatsoever between them. Meg falls in love with some Australian dude who hurt his back which made him realize he wanted to be a freeloader traveling around the world on his parent’s paychecks. Meg responds as if this Australian is covered with LSD. She literally just spaces out and is giddy the whole time. Emma likes a prince (yes, a prince of some unknown kingdom). He taps a glass on a plate and gives the waitress an odd look while they are on a yacht where no one talks to her (namely because they all speak French), which makes her realize she loves her Texas man. This is all the romance, and my descriptions contained more passion than these characters had.
Did you know there is a crime of impostor? Well there is, at least if Monte Carlo tells me so. No not identity theft, but impostor. I learn new things everyday.
The film is devoid of anything worthwhile. The film is as bland as milk toast. Nothing interesting happened. Nothing of substance. Certainly nothing emotional. Even the shots of Paris and Monte Carlo were nothing more than stock footage.
PARSI VERDICT: Blah.
See what the other half thinks: Haus’s view.
Hilarious review! My favorite part: Meg responds as if this Australian is covered with LSD.
I think the only point with which I really disagree is the notion that young girls will not like this movie and that watching the Disney Channel for the afternoon would be time better spent. Have you see anything on the Disney Channel recently? Kids shows are not what they used to be!