To call What’s Your Number? a middling film would insult a generation of bland middle-tier Rom-Coms, exemplified by the utterly mediocre Truth About Cats & Dogs. Films that are as inoffensive as they are not compelling.
What’s Your Number? is insultingly bad. Sure the film is not entirely cringe-worthy, but the problem is that it assumes the worst about the audience. Very little effort was put into any part of the film and it contains obvious pandering to base urges.
Anna Faris plays Ally Darling. Ally has decided to revisit all her exes after reaching the average number of sexual partners for a woman in the United States and being told by a friend (Heather Burns) that if she exceeds 20 she will never get married.
Ok, so lets start by scratching the surface of the film’s “logic”.
First, by definition with any “average” there must be people who are both above and below it. So, let’s say that some people only have one sexual partner in their life, that would mean that some people are at the other end of the spectrum. So, being right at the average or just above or below does not mean you are an outlier, or as one of the characters mused “a total whore.”
Second, why does she have to get married? Sure, her sister is getting married, but why would that make her inclined to get married? She does not seem to be a romantic of any sort. She was not concerned about her number until some magazine told her she was average (not even high). Why does it matter? The film never even attempts to answer this question. Is the assumption that every woman must inherently want to get married?
Third, Ally discovers the number stuff after being fired from her job. You would think that losing your job would be a big deal. But not to our protagonist. She is far more concerned about her number of sexual partners.
Let’s set aside the rather obvious sexist implications.
She never searches for work, ever. Most of the unemployed people I know are at least a little worried about not having work. After all, most people still need money to feed, shelter, and clothe themselves and a job is a pretty good way to make money.
But, you might say, so what? As long as it is funny I can suspend my disbelief. Ally gallivanting around searching for her exes must lead to hilarity and hijinks. Other films where people track down their exes are funny (see High Fidelity). The whole enterprise is by its nature ripe for humor.
Well, you would be wrong. I laughed a handful of times (three, maybe four). The funniest part was a cameo appearance by Aziz Ansari. Not only did the trailer contain the best parts, some of those parts were left on the cutting room floor.
So, what are we left with? Well, you do get to see Faris and Chris Evans in some form of undress for large portions of the film. If that is your cup of tea than so be it. But, to be honest, the semi-nudity is so rampant and unmotivated that it gets old pretty quickly.
Other than that you get all the same silly nonsense you have seen a million times before. The perfect guy who is not so perfect for you. The “you need to find yourself before you find someone else” mantra. The over-bearing semi-crazy mother with a prestige hangup (Blythe Danner). The often absent but too-cool-for-school father (Ed Begley Jr.). The happy ending. The “love right under your nose” moment.
The film has all of the Rom-Com elements sloppily plopped in, as if the film had a checklist and needed to cram in some other obvious junk.
What’s Your Number? is a bunch of humorless claptrap, strung together with tired Rom-Com nonsense, glued together with meaningless unmotivated semi-nudity.
PARSI VERDICT: What was I thinking?
I can’t believe you saw this movie.